Day the Earth Stood Still, The – DivX Version (Normal Quality), iPod/iPhone Version, Full HD:1080p (Best Quality)
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IMDB rating: 5.70 Plot: A remake of the 1951 classic sci-fi film about an alien visitor and his giant robot counterpart who visit Earth. |
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DivX Version (Normal Quality), iPod/iPhone Version, Full HD:1080p (Best Quality)
Actors: Aguirre Josue,Bacon Daniel,Bjorgvinsson Sverrir,Bradford Chris,Cleese John,Close Joshua,Cotton Ben,Craven Aaron,Cross Roger R.,Dament Terence,Dopud Mike,Douglas Aaron,Dryborough Brad,Favrin Victor,Hamm Jon,Drama,Sci-Fi,
What do you think of my writing?
I have asked this question before but i forgot to put the link. So here’s the story now. I’m a 13 year old writer who wishes to know how they’ve done. Constructive criticism highly appreciated!
The earth is a treasurable place. Few understand the meaning of what it truly beholds. Those few began to lessen over time, making it hard to find someone who understood. Understanding is a Gift bestowed upon people by the Gods. Long ago, when the four Gods of the Elements created the world, they needed someone to explain it to the people created by the Goddesses. So the Gods chose three people of the Goddesses and told them a tale of what was needed of them. They accepted their fate and began to create.
At the beginning of time, man created a legend to explain their existence. A story to be passed along through time, never expected to be forgotten. But slowly time passed and few people knew the true legend of their land. Those who did know it called upon an apprentice for them to recite the legend to. A holocaust began and man rid the land of the people who knew the legend. Many were killed and few escaped, ready to call an apprentice. So the legend of the Gods and Goddess was told from time to time, as it was told to me.
The God of Earth created a land, far unlike any other in the galaxies. It was a rich land, with grass and plains and other landforms. The God of Water created the vast bodies of water. They were the seas and lakes and seas. The God of Fire created the fire made from earth. It filled the mountains, making them what we call today, volcanoes. The God of Air created a breathable wind. It brushed past the mountains and seas and volcanoes with a light touch.
So, to live on the earth, the Goddesses of Man were asked to create beings to fill the land. Trees and flowers to live in the ground. Man and animals to live on the land, side by side. Soon after, the Gods and Goddesses departed to the heavens to look upon their creations. It began to seem like Man wanted control. They altered the land, cut down the trees, and slew the animals for their own selfish needs.
The Gods and Goddesses vowed to return to their land one day once their power was restored to revive the land. Years went by, they still hadn’t returned. Man forgot of their origins and continued with their dastardly doings, never to have the legend called to mind.
That was what I was told. Now, my life was in great peril, for the knowledge of the legend rested within me. Although I knew the risks, I accepted, willing to restore what had been lost. I wanted to restore the earth to its natural state. I still remained undiscovered; no one knew what was bestowed upon me, and how lucky I was.
I sat on a hay filled mattress and looked up at the ceiling of my current housing. I couldn’t stay in one place for too long, for the fear of being caught filled my head. The man who told me of the legend was elderly by now and I wondered what his state. He was a traveler and his name was Farran, my mentor. I have not seen him for many years now, and I worry for him. I wonder if he fears for me as well, but that is something I shall never know.
I have never regretted choosing the path of an Apprentice. It was amazing to me, but to any other it is a sin, a curse. Farran told me numerous stories of the old Legends. He brought me to hidden places that were beyond belief and descript. It was almost magical they way the legends were born. Even hearing one set me with hope and belief. There are many legends, but, the Legend of the Gods and Goddesses was the first for me to hear.
Standing up, I look around the small cabin I was grateful to stay in. It was small, yes, but it had a warm and homey air about it. Making me feel like I was wanted somewhere, just without the feeling of being wanted by someone. A small desk stood in the corner of the room, across from the bed, and a lantern sat on the desk, emitting the only light in the room. On the chair hung my pack with all my feeble and worthless belongings. They were mostly stories I had written about what I would be if I had a family and home. And some were letters I had found proving that I once had family.
I walked over and opened the pack, taking out one of my oldest letters, and my favorite.
Dear Adakoda,
I sadly give you my child. Her name is to be Ziarre, meaning Sky Goddess. I must give her to you for my life will be extinguished if I reveal to the world. I do such because we are preparing for the upcoming War and, now, women are only allowed to bear males. Not females. And there is more, Adakoda, but I will not bore you with such details. So I give to you my precious daughter, Ziarre. Please keep her safe from harm’s way.
Your beloved sister,
Vuma
Every time I saw this letter my heart ached knowing what my mother did to me. But, in my heart, I know she did it for my wellbeing and to protect me. That thought kept me going on when I felt down.
P.S. this isnt the whole story. it got cut off. I will post the rest of this as well!
It’s nice, kinda boring. Good vocab hun, but try to show not tell ^^ use more visuals
HandaBear | Nov 16, 2009
The writing was good. The idea wasn’t very original, but the writing was good for a thirteen year old.
Speaking of which, I would never announce myself as that. "Hi, I’m a 13 year old writer, could you tell me how this sounds?" It doesn’t establish credibility, and people are likely to be harder on you because of your age. "She’s 13? Well, it sounds like a 13 year old. I don’t want to hear more."
x_beforethedawn_x | Nov 16, 2009
